Ramblings....

I want to blog, but I was planning on blogging about our anniversary, but I don't have pictures. So the anniversary blog will come later. I just feel like typing my random thoughts.

I'm at work, and they are currently painting the wall that is 10 feet from my desk and I feel as if I may asphyxiate from the fumes. Sometimes I feel like I may asphyxiate from life, is that normal? I don't even know what it is that makes me feel that way. Maybe that my life is so different than I ever thought it would be. You grow up with this picture in your mind of what life is and then you actually start living it and it's really not anything like you expected.

Our P90X endeavor is slowly deteriorating into nothingness. It all starts with one day when you don't want to get up, and then you don't have time after work to do it... It's been a solid week since we've done any exercises. We fail.

Dan is an amazing man. We need to find him a good woman.

Is it bad that I don't really care when some friends stop being my friend? To me the relationships that are best are the ones that I don't have to work on all the time. I have great friends that live far away and I see once every 6 months, text once a month maybe, and that's enough. And I still love them just as much as I did when I hung out with them every day. I shouldn't have to work so hard at keeping someone happy.

How about the fact that I don't really have any girl friends? Really the only person we hang out with is Dan, which is fine enough by me. He's rad. And he makes us amazing food. Always down for anything at any time, amazing friend who will do anything for us and he is so low maintenance. Why can't girls be like that? Hence...why I don't have any girl friends.

This might get a little deep here, but I feel like a big part of me has gone missing. And I keep trying to get it back, but it's like it doesn't want to. Like a 3-year old being pulled away from the ball pit at McDonald's. But here's the big question: do I want it back? It seems like I don't, judging by the measure of my efforts. Why now? Why this point in my life for this to happen? It seems out of place. Out of context. That's not how it's supposed to be. All my life this part of me has been...well, a part of me. Even when I was totally ignoring it, I still knew it was there, just waiting for me to come over and ask it out to lunch. But now it's just gone AWOL. I try to text it sometimes, albeit half-heartedly, to see if it wants to go get a non-committal drink, but it never answers the way it used to. Maybe it just doesn't want to be part of me anymore.

So there you have it, the deep ramblings of a somewhat lost girl on an overcast morning.